facebook rant

 

Let me start by saying that I check facebook everyday, more than once. Sometimes more than twice. What I see amuses, perplexes, and antagonizes me, but mostly leaves me wondering if people are more or less real than their 3D selves in this bizarre cyberworld.

So here are the highlights of what I love and hate about the phenomenon that is facebook.

What I love

1. Cool articles, links, events. I've read and seen a lot of interesting stuff that I would have never found or been exposed to on my own. I love this. I'm trying to get better at doing the same.

2. Batshit crazy status updates. If status updates are meant to be a snapshot of someone's thoughts and feelings at that very second, I fear some may be certifiable. These cup fulls of crazy include rambling nonsensical introspections and reflections on life's lessons, tirades similar to shouting at empty chairs, and blatant threats to one or more specific persons. These make me smile and feel better about myself. I watch "Hoarders" and "Intervention" for the same reason.

3. Pictures of people in everyday life. This is the equivalent of a family photo album on the bookshelf. Looking at people on vacation, at home, or during life events is like getting to be there but not having to suffer the small talk. I've always liked looking at people's photo albums even if I didn't know all the characters. Especially when the owners aren't home. And don't know I'm there.

4. Pictures/memes of cute animals. Seriously, who can resist a cat with bad grammar? Or a cat with a British accent?

 

5. Arguing . On facebook, you can think out your responses, get them worded just right without a George Costanza-like moment of regret, wishing you'd said, "Well the Jerk store called and the ran out of you!". You can be an asshole without having to look in the person's eyes to see their hurt, confusion, anger, or rejection  when you've unleashed your verbal  vitriol. It's a civilized Jerry Springer.

What  makes me cringe, vomit, or roll my eyes even though there's no one there to see me do it

1. Inspirational memes. If someone needs to remind themselves everyday to be happy, they probably aren't. When I see these, I immediately  picture the person in a darkened room in the middle of the afternoon, a bottle of booze close at hand, fingers trembling over the keyboard whispering,  "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, doggonit, people like me! ..."

2. Super duper negative/hateful memes. Who has the energy for all that anger?

3. Daily agendas. Imagine walking into the pub to meet some pals and saying without any sort of greeting, "Washed the cat today, baked a bunt cake, and removed those nearly impossible to reach back hairs." The speaker would get a nice pat on the head and be left to dink a pint alone.

4. Repost this or else you're an asshole. Oh, I dislike these the most. Yes cancer sucks. Yes I have some especially wonderful nieces and nephews. Yes I support veterans; and yes, I absolutely agree animal abuse is wrong. But I don't relish being told what to write on my wall, especially when the content is plagiarized, uninteresting, and/or  worst of all, riddled with grammatical errors.

 

Updates like cheering on spots teams, talking about children, announcing accomplishments and anniversaries  are to me, a normal use of facebook. These are  the kinds of things I'd expect to hear if I were to say, "What's new with you?" They're updates.

Notice that I didn't mention anything about the presidential election rantings, musings, and meme postings. I can't even go there. It's absolute madness.