A Difficult Confession

I'm in a relationship that's gone as stale as a keg of Busch Lite. As predictable as a Hollywood disaster movie. What once filled me with the exhilaration of a rocket lit sky, is now a mere pile of yesterday's firecracker rubbish.

Everyday I'm smothered and nearly suffocated by the same constant warmth, despite my best efforts at evasion. Where once I saw intrigue and individuality, now I only see unilateral messiness, inefficiency, and a lack of common sense.

I've fallen out of love. Plain and simple. Not because I was cheated, abused, neglected, or wronged in any way. I. just. got. bored. So bored I've invented and taught our cat an elaborate chase game. So bored I actually read bible verses and song lyrics people post as facebook status updates. So bored I literally watch the paint dry on my nails.

I love you Songkhla; I'm just not in love with you. And it's not you. It's me. Well maybe it's a little bit you. The same unrelentless 100 degree days, the same rubbish strewn beaches, the same three or four good restaurants. The same conversations. Same, same!! as they say here in Thailand. I could map the rut my Sketchers have made in this town.

I'm not married to Songkhla, but I am contractually obligated for several more months. So as with any other contractually obligating relationship, I need to "work on it". Songkhla is still the same quaint little seaside town it was a few months ago. I've allowed myself to get in this funk. Maybe because it's the holiday season and I want to be bundled up in front of a fire wearing a reindeer sweater. Maybe because I'm getting anxious to start the next chapter of my life as Mrs. Clarke.

In the meantime, I need to write more, try new recipes, go to new places in town, watch more sunrises, sit on more benches, let anger go more easily, swim in the sea more often, have coffee with friends instead of beer, write longer emails, talk more to my colleagues and students, and maybe just suck it up and stop whining already.