The Road to 40: 50/50 Vision

In 3 weeks, I will hit the top of the symbolic crest, arbitrarily determined to be the last stop before the path to oblivion. In January I set weight loss and health goals to meet before this day dawns on July 1. And well, I’m pretty much exactly where I started. The onus of failure lies completely with me and my lack of will power. However, I’m going to deflect the blame and have a little rant about the internet and how its lack of definitive answers is driving me batshit crazy.

Google Search: Is running good for weight loss?

First hit: “4 ways running is best for weight loss”

Fourth hit: “5 reasons why running may not help you lose weight”

As I’ve mentioned before, I love running. It’s outside; it’s interesting; it’s the closest I’ve gotten to meditation. But according to some health experts, it may not be so great for weight loss. Something about lactic acid and glucose and whatever. So I started only doing shorter and less frequent runs and then trying “interval training” which  when translated means, “the most boring form of torture invented”. What I found was that I started dreading going to the gym and I really missed my runs.

So, I’m going to say feck it to the experts and do what I enjoy.

Burning calories isn’t really the problem though. It’s shoving the calories in faster than they can be burned. And here is where the internet is at its most maddening.

Google search: Is fruit ok for weight loss?

Some sites say eat all the fruit you want, some say don’t eat very much, especially those evil bananas because all that sugar turns to fat. Some sites say eat only red and purple fruits and only when Jupiter is aligned with Mars. I eat a banana and an apple every day. Sometimes I throw in an orange just for the rainbow effect. So again, experts, feck it.

Google search: Are grains good for weight loss?

First hit: “Heath gains from whole grains”

Second hit: “How grains are slowly killing you.”

This tends to be a heated topic with opinions ranging from “whole grains are the foundation of a healthy diet” to “grains have made mankind less intelligent and are the root of all diseases”. I tried a no grain diet for 2 weeks and though I did feel “lighter”, I knew I wouldn’t be able to ignore the giant bag of basmati rice in my cupboard forever.

Google search: Is meat good for you?

First hit: “Meat and cheese may be as bad as smoking.”

Second hit: “Seven evidence-based health reasons to eat meat”

Ethics aside, the topic of meat and dairy seems to inspire the most vitriol in people on both sides of the healthy food debate. Some scream warnings about cancer, diabetes, and dropping dead early from a heart attack. Others shout back that we wouldn’t even be here with our current brain size if it weren’t for all that nutritious buffalo we consumed 10,000 years ago. One thing they do agree on is that meat from happy grass-fed animals that haven’t been pumped up on antibiotics is better. Trying the Paleo Diet meant a lot more meat, which was ok, but sometimes a girl needs fried paneer with peas and mushrooms in a yogurt curry sauce. Over rice.

The above is just a sampling of the type of stuff I find myself sifting through day after day. It’s exhausting and infuriating. I’m starting to feel like I'm spending all my time thinking about this stupid weight loss plan. Fretting that the exercise and food choices are being counterproductive. Impulsively changing the plan so that I can no longer even measure what's working and what isn't.  Constantly looking in the mirror and poking myself in the gut. Knowing deep down I just need more will power. Feeling bad.

According to healthcentral.com I am at my ideal body weight for my height and body frame. According to medicalnewstoday.com I’m overweight. Am I at the place of maintenance rather than weight loss? Should I just accept it and be glad that I haven’t gotten any bigger in the last 5 months?

It feels so pointless and petty. The only thing I can do, the only thing that makes sense is to do everything in moderation. Which I can manage Monday to Thursday. Weekend Erika, however, continues to have a different agenda.